Happy 1st Birthday Benaiah!

I can't believe a whole year has passed by!!!  How did this happen so quickly Baby Boy???!!!

Newborn

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

12 months

One year ago today you entered our world.  We held you for the first time.  We smelled you for the first time.  We kissed you for the first time.  And for the first time we could understand how much our own parents have loved us our entire lives.  

You weren't supposed to arrive until September 12th, but you had gotten so big in Mama's tummy that we decided it would be best to go ahead and have you a couple of weeks early.  Dr. Travelstead broke my water at 7:15am on August 31st......and we were off!!!  I made the choice to have you with NO - ZERO - pain medications.  Let me tell you - I was callin' on Jesus to come get me!  Childbirth is P.A.I.N.F.U.L.  Your Gran said I should have been a cheerleader because she could hear me yelling all the way down the hall. :) Sounds irritated me while I was in labor so your Daddy wasn't allowed to say anything to me except to tell me when each contraction was coming and going.  We will always laugh about the fact that he would tell me to take deeper breaths and I would say, "Shhhhhh!"  But then my nurse, Michelle, would tell me the same thing and I would just start taking deeper breaths :)

Less than 5 hours after labor started you made your grand appearance....and MIRACULOUSLY, all the pain was gone!  Seeing you and hearing you cry for the first time was so beautiful to me that I didn't feel anything other than joy.

  

We still smile when we recall the first little "huuuuuuh" sounds you made as you slept next to us in our hospital room.  I always giggle when I think about the ride home from the hospital.  I sat in the backseat next to you and held your hand while your Daddy drove 50 miles an hour on the Interstate.  You don't understand this right now, but that is slow.  We were soooooo nervous to drive with a new, precious little life in the car with us!

Our hearts were broken in March when you were diagnosed with CFTD and we realized that your developmental path was going to look differently from what we'd expected.  We entered an intense time of seeing doctors and therapists, having surgeries and leaning on the Lord more than ever, trusting Him and only Him for your complete healing.

We celebrate all of your wonderful accomplishments, Benaiah Williams - When you hold your head up, when you try to sit up, when you smile, when you look at me with your beautiful blue eyes, when you sing as we listen to praise music, when you kick your legs and make yourself bounce up and down in your bouncy seat, when you fake yawn to get out of doing physical therapy..... all of it is pure delight to us, sweet boy.

We love you like nobody's business and look forward to what the Lord has in store for your 2nd year of life!

Love,

Mama and Daddy

2 weeks

Happy Birthday Precious Caroline!!!

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16

Dear Caroline,

Yesterday you turned 2 weeks old!  You are so beautiful, sweet girl.  You have grown so much in just 2 weeks - you've already gained 1 pound, 7 ounces!  Look how much you've grown since last week!

Your Daddy and I have mixed emotions about how big you are getting.  We are so thankful that you are getting the nutrition you need and are growing!  At the same time, our hearts aaaaaaache to hold you and mourn the fact that we never got to hold you when you were just an itty bitty thing.  We remind ourselves daily that this time of not being able to hold you will hopefully result in getting to be able to hold you for the rest of our lives.

It still hurts though.

We made sure to sing "Happy Birthday" to you yesterday.  I think this will be the first song you'll ever sing because your Daddy makes sure to sing it to you every day :)  Every day is a victory for you, Caroline, and your Daddy is your biggest advocate.  He is on top of things!  He watches your vital stats like a hawk and talks to every nurse and every doctor as each shift changes in the NICU to make sure that we are all on the same page.  Most nights I'm not able to go back to the hospital with your Daddy because I need to be home with your big brother, but he is good about calling me and sending me pictures of you so that I can get an update on how your night is going.  He does a GREAT job of helping me be in two places at once.

You had a really good day yesterday.  You were resting well and the nurses were able to lower your oxygen and nitric acid levels.  Last night, though, you got REALLY agitated and your levels had to be turned up again.  It was a very scary time for us.  We got even more scared today when we were told that the nurses had to manually help you breathe and that your right lung wasn't filling up with air.  You have what is called pulmonary hypertension.  This is a very scary thing for a baby to have so we are asking all of our friends and family to pray for you tonight.  We need many people to intercede for you and to ask the Lord to heal you of this.  The doctors use the term "critical condition" when they speak of your health and I just cringe every time I hear those words.  Our stomachs are constantly in knots because it is so hard to see your body in distress.  We are in prayer every waking moment, begging the Lord to heal you here on Earth and bring you home to us.

We don't know God's plan for you, Caroline, but we sure voice our opinion as to what we think it should be to Him aaaaaaallllll the time :)  He tells us that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways and boy! are we coming to a new understanding of that!  We trust Him with you, Caroline.  You are in the palm of His hand; and even though my human nature often feels that you would be safer in my hands right now, you wouldn't be.  You are in the hands of your Creator and we will continue to pray that He will perform a MIRACULOUS HEALING in your body.

We love you more than you'll ever know,
Mama

Pray for our Sweet Caroline

Caroline with her little earmuffs on.  She wasn't tolerating all of the noise in the NICU too well :)

Our precious Caroline surprised us by arriving 5 weeks early on August 15, 2012.  She weighed 6 1/2 pounds and was 19 1/2 inches long.  We had quite the difficult pregnancy - Caroline was diagnosed with hydrocephalus very early on in the pregnancy.  We could also see in the dozens of ultrasounds that were performed that she was not able to swallow, her jaw was small and there was a deformity with one of her feet.  We met with a number of doctors and there were a few educated guesses as to what genetic disease Caroline may have.  Trisomy 18 was a strong possibility but Doug and I chose not to test for this while she was in the womb.  The genetic tests were run soon after she was born and all of her sweet chromosomes are in perfect order!  PRAISE THE LORD!!!

As expected, however, Caroline does have many health problems and has been in the NICU at UMC since her big arrival.  Thankfully, she doesn't have esophageal atresia which was the diagnosis she was given to explain why she wasn't swallowing.  We still don't know why she is unable to swallow but our best guess at this point is that it's a neurological issue.  Her jaw is on the small side but it's not causing any problems at the moment so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  She was born without any toes on her right foot which, I'll admit, is heartbreaking to her Mama but, at the same time, isn't life threatening so, again, we'll do what we have to do to help that precious little foot out when it's time.  Along with her pre-mature lung development, the hydrocephalus is the most pressing issue these days.  When she was only 8 days old, Miss Caroline had surgery :( She had a shunt put in her head to begin draining off all of the extra fluid.  The shunt is definitely doing its job.  We can see a very drastic change in her head shape already!

Unfortunately the sudden changes on her brain as the pressure has been taken off has produced some seizure activity and some pulmonary distress.....but our sweet Caroline has already proven to be a F.I.G.H.T.E.R.  On Saturday one of her lungs began to collapse, the doctors had to "bag" her, she had to get some blood to help get oxygen to her body and she got put on nitrogen (or nitrate?) to help better move the oxygen throughout her body.  THEN on Sunday she began having seizures and she had to be put on several seizure medications.  Fortunately,  I can say that she hasn't had any setbacks since Sunday night and we're praying that her lungs and brain activity begin to improve each day.  Caroline is still considered in "critical condition" so PLEASE continue to pray for her.

Doug and I want to let all of our friends and family know how much your calls, texts, emails, acts of service and, most importantly, your prayers have meant to us.  You have rallied your churches, small groups, prayer warriors, etc. to intercede for our family as we have faced many medical issues this year with Benaiah and Caroline.  Don't stop praying!  Please continue to join Doug and me as we plead with the Lord to show his sweet mercy on our babies and provide healing to their bodies.

Love,
Elaine