By Mary Stevenson
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me, Lord, that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand
is when I carried you.”
I remember first reading this poem when I was in high school. Hard times seemed never-ending during my 11th and 12th grade years, and this poem gave me a wonderfully vivid picture of how I was ever going to make it through.
The Lord is carrying Doug and me these days. June 1st is when we found out that we had miscarried our first baby. There really aren't words to describe the heartbreak we are experiencing. All I know is that we were in love with this little being God used us to create - And coming to the realization that we will never get to see, touch, hear or smell our precious child here on this earth is absolutely devastating.
We didn't realize it would happen so fast until it happened to us: You grow Mommy and Daddy hearts THE MOMENT you find out your pregnant! Doug was so cute. He said there wasn't any point in talking to the baby in the womb until late in the pregnancy because the baby really wouldn't be able to hear anything until then. Yeah, right. That "belief" didn't last very long. Every day that boy would talk to my stomach!!! LOL And since the baby was due January 1st, he wanted to make sure the house would be nice and warm for the baby's arrival, so he spent 2 days caulking all of the windows.
Despite my never-ending nausea, I tried to eat healthier. And I even tried to "be stern with" my kids at school using a kinder tone of voice so the baby wouldn't feel any negativity from his mama - and, as any teacher knows, that can be VERY challenging during the last weeks of school! :) It's funny how even hard things don't seem as hard when you get a Mommy heart. As many of you know, I have some paralysis in my left leg, and, let me tell you - I'd give both my legs just to be able to have our baby still growing in my tummy. I DEFINITELY wouldn't have said that without my new Mommy heart!
I don't think our Mommy and Daddy hearts are going anywhere. You should hear us! Doug and I talk like proud parents when we think about how awesome it is that our child gets to worship our Creator day in and day out. We also think it's pretty cool that, since we didn't get the opportunity to name our child, God got to choose the name.
Doug and I are definitely different now. I think we have a richer love and admiration for one another as we walk with each other through this. I am amazed at the grace God gives us each day to find new joys in the midst of our pain. I said this in an email I wrote to many of you, and it just becomes more true with each passing day: to follow Christ is to be bipolar. You can rejoice and suffer in the same breath.
Hello, Suffering.
You always think you're going to get the best of me....and you're ALWAYS dead wrong.
My man, Jesus Christ, has the best of me.
Yes, I admit you have caused both of us a great deal of pain, but you seemingly forget how much stronger He is than you.
His Voice is stronger. His Comfort is stronger. His Joy is stronger. His Compassion is stronger.
I am quite sure, Suffering, that I will see you again before I depart this world.
And I will persevere....again.
I will persevere not because I am strong...but because I am so incredibly weak, and I know there's only One Way for me to endure the wrenching heartache that you cause me:
I will wrap my arms around my Daddy's neck.
I will bury my head in His chest.
I will, no doubt, cry the ENTIRE way.
And I will let Him carry me.
